HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
