i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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