I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
