Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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