I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
