im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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