Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
