I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
