Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
