After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
