My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
