I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
