I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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