WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
