I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
