i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
