I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
