i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
