So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
where does the pee come out of this thing
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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