I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
4 words: hood of his car
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
