If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
