I'm really into asian looking animals
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
