I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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