your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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