so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
