When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
