I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
