She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
