oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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