.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
