Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
