Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
