before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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