I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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