good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
