I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
