But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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