Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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