Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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