She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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