Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
