I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
