i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
