my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
