I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
