my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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