Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
