just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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