he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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