For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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