Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
